last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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