Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
