Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
