in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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