I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
whose parrot is this?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
