i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
