sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
