Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
