I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
