So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
