I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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