My liver just broke up with me...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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