he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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