I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
