My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
