So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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