Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do vagina's smell?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
