Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
