I'm lost and stupid without you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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