I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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