Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
