Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
