I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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