My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
