R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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