Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We are all done wearing pants today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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