Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
