I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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