shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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