oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
