I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
