He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
