jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
