I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
