I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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