Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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