We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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