You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
