You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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