I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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