I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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