just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
