Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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