Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
