You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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