how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
