He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
