We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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