I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize