Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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