My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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