my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How's work?
Spinning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
