I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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