**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
