When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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