How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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