The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
