my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
