hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
