Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize