Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
